The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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