Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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