do herpes really smell.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
