I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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