your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
