he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
