Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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