Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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