end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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