Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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