if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
