apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
