i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
