Your mouth is God's brothel.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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