the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
