youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
