Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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