i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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