No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
