I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just threw up on my dentist
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
