You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
