I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
