so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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