I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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