kristin has been a bad kristin
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
