The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
