somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So many bounce houses so little time
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We are all done wearing pants today
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
