Jerry, you need to find god
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
