youre lurking in front of me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
