well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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