where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
