Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
