On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
