so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
