mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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