I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
