i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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