i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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