and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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