we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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