just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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