The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
