what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
