why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
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put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
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the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals