it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
