Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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