she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
