Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
