he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
