Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We need to feng shui this bitch.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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