I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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