I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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