so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh god it's open bar.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
