PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
