i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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