I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
