Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
