Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
