I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize