did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
