so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
