She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
