You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
