Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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