Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
