I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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