U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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