he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
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Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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