I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
