Don't make out with my wife yet
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
