i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
