exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
please come you make the beer taste better
it was like eating out sand paper
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
tell me about the eggs
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