True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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