i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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