Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
