people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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