Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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