all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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