one two three fourrrrnication!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
